Talking about health care directives, though tough, is essential for ensuring your medical wishes are respected if you're incapacitated. It relieves loved ones of difficult decisions and empowers everyone to navigate medical situations with clarity and peace of mind. In her own words, Palliative Care-Oncology Licensed Social Worker Betsy Liedl shares a personal story highlighting the significance of health care directives.
I started my first health care directive over ten years ago. There was a case in the media of a family fighting about the insertion of a feeding tube in a comatose woman. I decided I did not want my family to fight about this or any other difficult decision related to my health care. I felt a sense of tremendous relief once I had completed my document.
When my father was dying, he reached a point where he could no longer safely eat. My mother and I, in consultation with his hospice nurses, decided to stop feeding him solid foods and only offer him food/fluids if it seemed he was able to swallow safely. I even discussed this with my dad, and he agreed that was what he wanted. One of my sisters objected strongly to this. She said we were depriving him of nourishment and starving him to death. I was able to show her our father's wishes in his completed health care directive, including his decision not to have a feeding tube inserted.
A health care directive is essential if you want to be sure that your wishes regarding your health care are clear to all the people who love you and your health care team. Ideally, every adult over 18 should have a health care directive and update it at least every ten years. We think we are in control, but we never know when something might take that control away. What if you are in a car accident and have a traumatic brain injury, which leaves you unable to make critical decisions regarding your health care? That happened to one of my sisters. I argued heatedly with her husband about going ahead with the surgery recommended by her doctors. He told me he wanted her to be able to cross-country ski again. I told him he needed to concentrate on her being able to walk again right now. Emotions are high, and people do not always think clearly in crises. Thankfully, my sister had the recommended surgery and can walk again. I do know she didn't have a health care directive. Most medical providers will defer to the closest family member in that case.
The best time to complete a health care directive is when you don't have to. It's not easy to write down on paper who you want to be your decision maker if you can't make health care decisions for yourself and what those decisions will be. Who wants to think about not having control of their lives and bodies? Who wants to think about death and put those thoughts down on paper? It is not a question of IF but of WHEN. We are all going to die. A health care directive allows us to make decisions about how we want our death to be. It gives us control for the eventuality of a time when we may not have control. It communicates to all the people who care about us what we want and don't want when we are facing death. It is a way of ensuring as best we can that this is how we want the end of our lives to be.
Completing a health care directive gives you power over your life and death. It gives you a voice. It can give you a sense of peace. Here are some things to consider:
Yes, I want to "allow a natural death".
Or no, I want everything medically possible to be done.
I want cremation.
Or, I want to be buried.
I want to donate all my organs and tissues.
Or, NO, absolutely not! I want my body intact after I die.
Health care isn't black and white; there are a lot of gray areas, too. A health care directive isn't just about "I want CPR" or "I don't want CPR." Now, we are challenged to consider: This is what I want in my current state of health. But what if I have a new diagnosis? What if I have dementia? What if I am in a persistent vegetative state? What if I have a terminal diagnosis? Life is complicated and multi-dimensional, as is the contemplation of death. What someone wants and what they don't want can change with age, with a new diagnosis, with a divorce, in a new decade.
Completing your health care directive is a gift to yourself and those you love. It is a scary thing to do because we don't like to think of our death and commit those whirling thoughts in our heads to paper. It's ok. The health care directive isn't set in stone. You can change it over time. But it's a start. We can help you with it. One page at a time. Take a deep breath. Leave it for a while if you get too stressed. It will be worth it when you are all done. Believe me.
To learn more about health care directives and advanced care planning:
*Tune the radio dial to 94.3 FM, KKIN Radio, on Thursday, March 14, 8-8:15 a.m.
*Register for a free Lunch and Learn seminar sponsored by Cuyuna Area Connections in partnership with CRMC.
*Be sure to mark your calendar for April 16 and 17 and join us in the lobby at CRMC-Crosby to complete your free health care directive. Look for more information about this event in the coming weeks.